Sasha's Snippets: The Blog ;)

(THIS SHOULD BE A PRIORITY IN LIFE PEOPLE!!!!!!)

The going-out friends, the pre-game group, then go-to-study sesh, the gossip friends, the confidence friends, the crazy time friends, the harmlessly fake friends, the friend group friends, and the hometown friends, etc. If I asked you right now to think and list off the people in your life, you would put in each category everyone and anyone could and would. And that’s fine to have those subgroups of friends; in fact, it’s really healthy in many ways! But what if I asked about your real friends? Could you name them? Who would you name? Why? Should they be included on that list? Can you love someone unconditionally and not be a real friend?

Here’s What I Have to Say About That

In the least bratty and stuck-up way, I have always known the people I allow in my life as true friends. I am a fantastic friend. It’s just something about the way my moral compass is wired. Still, I am just a very good friend and treat the people in my life with so much generosity, genuineness, and love. This is not to say I don’t make mistakes, cancel at the last minute, get insured, do the wrong thing, etc, just like everyone else! I’ve messed up countless times! But across the board, if you ask people in my life, I am one of their greatest friends, which I take extreme pride in.

Aside from my moral compass, It stems from an intense, clear understanding and emphasis on the core values of loyalty and trust as they go hand in hand. My genuine and true trust is the hardest thing to get, but I will trust you unquestionably once I give it. Similarly, to those I have deemed people I want to hold close and have in my life and inner circle, I feel an automatic amount of pure ride-or-die loyalty for you.

I always knew I felt this way, and my actions reflected it. I have also always been told, “you’re so good at reading people,” and how that reflects in the people I surround myself with. While I agree with this sentiment, in actuality, I think I look for the values and parts of myself I value that create my moral compass in others, and it is those things that attract me to the kind of people I want in this world.

Still, it was not until around two years ago, while I was sitting in my backyard by a fire pit with a friend, that she brought up in our conversation how lucky my friends who were around us doing other things were to have me in their life. This caught me off guard because I humbly agreed but allowed her to keep talking. She continued to mention how she and another of our friends were blown away by how I treated others, especially those I cared about. But what stuck out most to the two of them was my loyalty. How she saw me for me, how deep my loyalty ran for those I loved and let in, and how lucky she and our other friends considered themselves to be a part of that group and my life. 

I thought a lot of my friend and this moment and her taking the time to see me and tell me this, as it has stuck with me years later. Never before have I had someone act towards me in that sense as I act towards others. It truly just shined a spotlight on the traits and values within her that I connect with and enrich my life beyond compare by surrounding myself with. I’ve also examined friendships and the people in my life to whom I devote energy. It also caused me to examine when I think about the people in my life I choose to trust and give this loyalty to – what about them makes them worthy of it beyond basic friendship?

What I’ve Discovered:

Friends That Enrich Me and I Value to Keep Around All:

• Acknowledge and verbalize what they love about you and let you feel seen
• Celebrate you and your accomplishments
• Understand the value of your friendship and treat it with the appropriate reciprocal amount of respect
• Are just as interested in you and your life as you are theirs
• Show you the same grace you would show them
• Allow you to be your worst version of yourself around them and know that’s not the authentic version of you
• Wouldn’t even fathom judgment towards you in your most vulnerable or embarrassing moments
• Hold themselves to the same moral standards you do
• Push but don’t force yourself beyond your boundaries in areas you want to improve
• Share and/or respect your core values that make you who you are
• Prioritize giving as much to your life as you would to theirs
• Do things and are there for you without question
• Make you smile when you read a message from them
• Express their love for you if they feel it at that moment and find joy in building you up
• Take the time to understand your love languages and respect them
• Are honest even if it will upset you but is in your best interest
• Reflect the best version of yourself in themselves
• Don’t need to put you down to build themselves up
• Create a hater-safe zone with them (we all need to do a little more hating as long as it’s harmless, who cares)
• Fill in the gaps of life where you’re lacking and vice versa
• Take the time to understand your anger/agreement styles and desires and respect them

This list ebbs and flows as all things do in life, but the deciding factors remain the same at its core. Rooted in values of love, acceptance, genuineness, a particular brand of loyalty, and value toward respect. Now, my story and my choices/factors will not be everyone else, and yours will not necessarily be mine. Still, I caution you to take what you can from me and think about yourself, your life, and the people you surround yourself with. What do they say about you? Are they would you really want around? What are they doing for your life, and what are you doing for theirs? Is there someone out there who you could say, “Hey, I was just thinking about this, and I want you to know I love you, and I am eternally thankful!” – chances are it will make their day, week, and or an impact you couldn’t imagine!