Sasha's Snippets: The Blog ;)

People always ask the question – are humans born inherently good or evil? Are we born a good person or bad from the get-go? What is the line between good and evil, and who gets to make that decision? Can bad people be good friends worth keeping around? Well, I have my own personal theories and opinions on this. I often find myself referencing it when I think about my friendships and myself.

I’ve asked myself and I invite you to ask yourself:

Amongst other things: What makes you a good person? What do you believe you specifically do or practice that is outwardly good in your relationships in life – selflessly or selfishly? What have others done that have stood out to you and stuck with you – why?

For me, in my relationships and friendships, I’ve been thinking about this a whole lot more lately. In part because (in the least stuck-up way) I’ve never had a hard time making friends in my life before. I’ve switched schools, moved, gone camping, done it all, and never had an issue – even at college, I haven’t had a problem, but finding real friends who wanted to treat me how I wanted to treat them has been.

I’ve contemplated whether it was me, or maybe it’s them, or my standards for letting people into my life now – I have no idea. Regardless, it has been difficult, I’m not going to lie, so I’ve really been taking the time to sit down and think about what I do in my relationship in life and what I want the people I choose to keep around me to do/doing.

This essentially led me to create my running list of things I look for in a close friendship:

And by no means is every friendship a close one, nor do I think it should be (because that’s not healthy), but this is a checklist, almost a will they or won’t they measurement for the people I do hold close. Where I can think to myself, would x,y, or z person pass this question and if not, is it valid enough to keep them in the same position they occupy in my life, or should I shift my mindset?

• People who pay attention (I don’t care if you forget my mom’s name, my favorite color, or even my name, but if you see me falling behind our group while we are out and make an effort to hang back and walk with me, that stuff matters)
• People who make a safe space where you feel like you can extend an offer to hangout etc
• People who recognize what a social battery is while still understanding the comfort of shared presence and the beauty, not insecurity, in that
• People who continue listening (because they see the smile on your face, tears in your eyes, or just because) even while the rest of the group has moved on and stopped
• People who push their comfort bubble and invite you out/around, ESPECIALLY the people who reach out again if it didn’t work out the first time
• Those who work just as hard as I do to put everyone’s social anxiety to ease without anyone ever knowing
• People who wait for you to tie your shoes or run back and grab lipstick, etc, without question and don’t make you feel bad or worried about it
• People who compliment you without expecting a word back because it’s out of the kindness of their heart
• People who extend an offer on a whim or even if they know you can’t take them up on it
• People who notice your silent moments even if they are harmless because there will be the one time it’s not
• People who take 30 seconds out of their day to say something akin to “This made me think of you.”
• People who give you as much grace in the biggest and smallest things as you would give them
• Whatever the opposite of a “well they didn’t do anything to me” person can be
• People who let you rant, cry, or just talk etc about the same person or scenario for hours on end – over and over and don’t make you feel judged but instead make a safe space for everything you have to say and feel
• People who show you loyalty and trust before you’ve earned it from them
• People who follow through on plans
• People who notice things you’ve never seen about yourself
• People who compliment your character as a person about things that are just second nature to you